Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 7

Hey Slimmy, loooong time no chat, huh? Well from where you sit I know you can see what's been happening with me. I can only imagine how you feel about it all. I've tried to do things differently, and I'm sorry to say I've failed miserably and you were right all along. It's time for me to surrender Slim, so I'm laying my sorry self at your feet. I can no longer pretend I can control it. My fears have come to light. Everything I tried so hard to avoid has come full circle and is slapping me in the face. I've abandoned all hope that my heart will realize what it's been longing for for so long. The empty hole has grown so large so that it consumes my entire being. So I'm through. Yes Slim, I'm waving the white flag. Throwing in the towel. Calling it quits. I've given all I've got, and I'm spent. I just can't fight this battle anymore. My body, mind, and soul is tired. My spirit is broken and bruised. Irreparable damage has been done, and I no longer have the will to fix it. I can't even bend down to TRY and pick up the pieces. Yeah, things are that bad, Slim, and I can't go on thinking that everything's going to be ok. I'm convinced things will never be ok again. So I accept things for what they are, and admit that I'm not strong enough, or good enough, to change them. This is the life I was given. And I guess the life I must lead until that sweet, sweet peace comes for me. I love you.

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 6

What's poppin' there, Slimmy? Did you happen to see me tonight? Did you see how good I was? Did your cold, cold heart burn with envy? It's too bad, isn't it Slim? Too late for you to enjoy it now, huh? Oh, how I still wish things could've been different, but we both know that will never, ever happen again. You always thought you were irreplaceable, but the truth is that there was always someone better out there. Someone smarter, someone funnier...someone legal! HA! Laugh with me, Slimmy, for there's nothing you can do about it now. Where's it headed, you ask? Only the Good Lord above knows, and I leave it in His very capable hands. I'm just going to enjoy it while I have it. No worries about callous words or pounding fists. No worries about distrust or dishonesty. It feels GOOD for once, Slimmy. It makes me HAPPY, which is an emotion I haven't felt in its true sense in a long time. You took alot from me, Slim, but you can't take this feeling from me. All you can do now is watch, and weep. Ironic how the tables have turned. How I was the one weeping as I helplessly watched you destroy everything we had, knowing if I fought to keep it all together, you'd hold me back even more. I guess everything really does happen for a reason. What you put me through really did make me stronger, and for that I suppose I should thank you. So from the bottom of my heart I thank you for being the domineering, pompous dolt that you were. It enabled me to pick myself up and put me back on that pedestal, and shine like the star that I am. Sweet dreams, Slimmy boy, sweet dreams...

Encrypted

Jocooly, Jocooly, where'd you go?

You left me in the dark, you know.

Harsh words of yours, oh how they'd sting.

You know I didn't miss a thing.

Your bark, your bite, your iron fist,

Do you burn to have now what you missed?

The sex, the drugs, the rock & roll.

That kind of life will take it's toll.

You know that now, don't you Jo,

As you watch too late, see it ebb & flow?

Jocooly, Jocooly, where'd you go?

I'm headed for the light, asshole.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise & haste, & remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; & listen to others, even the dull & ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater & lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

FOUND IN OLD SAINT PAUL'S CHURCH, BALTIMORE; DATED 1692

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 5

Alright, Slim, for the moment I'm going to let down my guard and engage in a little heart-to-heart with you. Now don't go getting your pearly white shorts all in a twist about it as my nostalgic mindset is only temporary. Oftentimes I daydream about those long weekends we spent holed up doing absolutely nothing but laying about in front of the television, watching rerun after rerun. Do you remember those weekends, Slim? Those were the good old days, huh? When you thought of me as your best lady who you could turn to when you needed to retreat from the chaos of that hard-knock life you so loved to live? Ah, what I wouldn't give to be that lady again. I know I could never be your lady again, but is it so far-fetched of me to think someone else could think of me that way? I was so good to you back then...waiting on you hand and foot, fulfilling your every need. I miss that, Slim. I miss loving and caring for someone so much that I didn't think twice when I was asked for something, no matter how trivial the request. It was pure pleasure to be at your disposal. I need to be needed like that again, Slim. To feel like there's a purpose somewhere in the midst of all this confusion. To know that somewhere, someone needs me. They need the warmth of my body next to theirs in order to feel safe. Just as you needed mine and I needed yours. Do you think that's a possibility for me, Slim, or am I just holding on to a ghost from a dream?

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 4

What's up, Slim? I know it's been awhile, but alot has been going on. Your beloved was hospitalized a few months ago....I can only imagine your heartache in seeing his little body lie helpless in that hospital bed. And I did a three day stint in the hospital myself a couple weeks ago. It seems your wish came full circle, huh? They did me in, Slim. They got the better of me...pushing me to the edge, letting me dangle there awhile, and then watched me all wide-eyed and giddy as I plunged deep into the abyss. It's not like I didn't warn them it would happen. I assume the goal was to imprison me further. Unfortunately for them, and for you, it enabled me to finally break free. Oh sure, the disdain is still apparent it's almost as if I inhale it with every breath. And I've learned to live with that. But I negotiated the barrier, Slimmy. I escaped the dungeon you made for me, trapping my heart and mind, and I freed my soul. The only one in control now is me, myself and I. Not you. Not them. Just the one with the power to achieve. It burns, doesn't it, Slim?

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 3

Hey Slim. Let's talk about your boy tonight. He's smart as a whip, that one. Can't put nothing past him. He's slippery and sly, and you know he inherited that from you. Putting his own little spin on every story he spews. He really knows how to turn the tables. Or so he thinks. What he doesn't realize, as you didn't, is that I'm alot smarter than he gives me credit for. I keep telling him over and over that the biggest mistake he can make is to underestimate me. Yet he still does every single time. You know something Slim, it's different this time. A young mind is at the center of controversy here and though still a challenge in its own right, the intense fear is absent. That's not to say I'm not anxious about what tomorrow brings, but I'm fighting this battle a bit more calmly this time around. I will always be in control this time, and I will use that control to twist and bend him into what he should be. You know what that is, right Slimmy? Kind. Respectful. Trusting. Honest. Rather than rude, disrespectful, gullible and sneaky. It's a daunting task considering he's so naive, just like you were. There's this distorted perception of reality, choosing to believe evil trumps good. But that's a learned behavior, and one that can be reversed. You taught him evil. I'll teach him the consequences of that evil. What goes around comes around, my man. You of all souls should know that.