Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 33

hey. just a quick note before i head off to sleep. my heart's broken.

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 32

oh slimmy. why do i wait so long to pour my heart out at your feet? you know those struggles i've been through? well i'm going through the same struggles again, this time with the other one. not as often but just as intense. it's tiring, slim. i am so, so tired. i feel beat up, beat down, and beat out. a constant losing battle. can't a girl get a break for fuck's sake? i want peace, i seek it, yet can never seem to grasp it. i keep pushing on but fear that i'll blindly push too hard and go freefalling downward. what to do? seek refuge in my work? my thoughts and emotions? or other unsavory choices? the path you chose seems awfully tempting at this turn, but i recoil at the possible dangerous end result of that. motherfuck, slim.

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 31

hey slim. i'm in love. again. and i'm not sure how i feel about it. i questioned whether it was real or maybe i was just imagining it since i've been so lonely but, nope, i'm definitely in love. am i happy? not sure. i'm glad that i'm able to feel again, but don't know if it's the right thing to be doing. it's definitely unrequited, so maybe that's why i'm questioning it. i don't know slim, i'm just so tired of feeling this way. help me please. love, me

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 30

i'm at the end of my rope, slim, and my hands are slipping. the struggle to hang on is too great. who will catch me if i fall?

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 29

well, slim, that happiness i was a feeling not long ago has subsided once again. i'm not doing too good anymore. as expected, things have taken a turn for the worst and the downward spiral has picked up speed. it's a very different state of mind this time, nothing i've ever felt before. it's seriously scaring me, slim.

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 28

Hey slim,

Lightbulbs were going off in my head today like fireworks lighting up the night sky. epiphany central, i'm telling you. i learned a lot about myself and i must say it's quite an eye opener. hell, i'm more complex than i thought. which is fascinating, considering i haven't felt this real and wide open in a very long time. it's a good thing! maybe now i can break down those bricks, huh? there's a new freedom to be had, and i quite like it. like riding on a real nice high. the demons are still there, i can see them pretty clearly now though, rather than through clouded eyes. i think my heart sang a little today, too!

love,
J

p.s. marty's teaching me to play johnny cash on the guitar!

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 27

Hey Slim,

Man am I feeling blah. Blase skippy! I know that's out of context, but so what. You see what's been going on, right? What a clusterfuck if there ever was one. Is he coming, or am I going? Is he turning into him, and is he EVER going to straighten out? Am I Seraphine? All these unanswered questions have my head spinning. It's too heavy a burden to bear.

I can't talk right now. It's just too much.

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 26

Hi. Ok, so this is what I want to say:

9:41p
"softening the blow? you're trying to figure out a way to let me down easy, aren't you? whether you let someone down easy or not, you still let them down. i'm heartbroken. i know i'm not good enough for you yet i still want to pretend that maybe, just maybe, i am. so i keep saying i want out, then come running back. you give me fleeting glimpses of what could be, then snatch it away. you keep my heart on a string and dangle it in front of me like a fucking carrot. tease, retreat, tease, retreat. repeat often. i love you, dammit. and you don't even like me. those words are like salt in the wound. time to stitch that baby up."

It's a harsh ending, no? I get angry and go off on a tangent! Should rein that in, huh? I'll rework it and be back. :)


10:27p
I've reworked it and came up with this: "goodbye."

:(

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 25

Hey,

It's a new day, and I have a new attitude, Slim. For the first time in a long time I feel better. I don't feel great necessarily, but I'm not as down as I've been. Chalk it up to exercise, solitude, and meditation. I've become a bit more outspoken too, which really lifts my spirit. I've adopted this "No, I won't shut the fuck up" attitude, thank you very much. It's so liberating! Creativity has surged, and motivation is kicking up. I'm constantly inspired...it's just pure joy. Wish you could share this with me. Oh wait, you already are.

Love,
J

Letters to Slimmy, Chapter 24

Hey Slim. I'm now two months into a brand new year, but it hardly seems like a new beginning for me. It's just the same old stuff over and over again. Time passes like a ride on a rollercoaster, with one day filled with nothing but 'up,' and the next completely 'down.' I'm so, so tired of this, Slimmy. I've got myself wrapped up in a slew of different projects just to avoid sitting idle and dwelling on what was, what wasn't, what is, what isn't, and what the hell is going to come. I long for the opportunity to let it all out, but without an open set of ears to oblige me I fall silent, holding it deep within my conscience. Slumber brings wishes and desires from my subconscious, and then the light of day hits with a desperate realization. If only my mind could go numb.