letters to slimmy, chapter 37

whoa, 6 months, Slim!!  shame on me for taking so long to fill you in.  well as you can see things round here are a changin'.  the new year has brought new ideas and a fresh perspective.  out with the old way of thinking, of living, of being.  i'm looking up and moving on.  i'm 'living in the moment' my dear man.  (soft quotes for emphasis)  that does not mean i will be without struggle...there's always struggle...but i'm applying a different reaction to struggle...adopting a this-too-shall-pass outlook.  everything happens for a reason, right?  no more worrying about the past or what's to come, live for right now.  this moment.  not yesterday and not tomorrow.  look ahead, sure, but be present in the moment.  learn from experiences and mistakes....i read today that there is a lesson in everything.  so very true if you really think about it.  i've been enjoying purposely appointed solitude which is really enhancing this new mindset.  {big smile}

so, Slim, i told you about magoo did i not?  that whole situation has taken a huge toll on me.  ooooh talk about heartbreak, Slimmy.  i'm moving through to acceptance now, it sure is bittersweet.  it feels right, you know the timing and all, but the yearning makes me ache.  it's part of the past, where it must be left, and i've let go of that future since there really wasn't one in the first place.  but the memories that are so real and so tangible are worth hanging on to.  it's what i value so much about the brief time i got to make them.  {big tears}

and now on to the mirror.  hostile, volatile, thunderous.  and gone, at least for now.  the reason i believe it's time to turn my thinking around.  no more fueling the fire, heck no more even sparking it.  choosing battles wisely.  knowing when silence speaks the loudest.  give off light to counteract the dark.  meditate on it.  and when it's over, leave it in the past.  another heartbreak, Slim.  this one deeper than any others.  guilt, shame, humiliation...i feel them all.  it pisses me off yet inspires me to be stronger, think healthier, and live lighter.  told you things are changin'.  {smile}

love,
j