oh where to begin, my man? things are still a-changin' but they've taken unexpected twists and turns, once again leaving me reeling. in line with my new mindset i told you about last time, i'm coping with it quite well....lots better than previously. thank zen for that. ha! i've been dealing with the physical impairment for months, only to have it get progressively worse. treatment course(s) are ineffective, and pain has become the norm. i am absolutely, positively terrified. will speak with doc2 soon to discuss options....
if only you were there with me...holding my hand, rubbing my back, massaging my neck...you know, like you used to. i miss that support, need it, want it, but accept i can't have it.
so that's just one thing....let's move on to my heart and passion. i'm wrangling with decision-making....do i hang on, push forward, refuse to give up, or do i say fuck it? i'm running out of time with regards to this, could you send me down a sign?...cuz that would be swell. it's embarrassing, Slim. i am so, so ashamed. how does one fail at that which one gives their heart and soul?
thanks for being here for me, Slim. i value this time we spend together.
love, j
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